Thursday, March 12, 2009

I need to go home...

You know what I don't need anymore of:

Shitting in a fucking coffin sized shitter with another guy less than 12 inches away from you.

Pissing in poorly designed Arab pisser that splashes the piss all over you.

Handsoap that smells no better than the latrine I just shit in.

Seeing contractor's making 2-3 times more money for doing less than I do and putting up with 1/3rd of the bullshit.

Rubbery chicken breast served everynight lukewarm for 455 days.

The TCNs with the shit-eating grins that don't understand when I say I don't want any fucking rotten ass tomatoes. I don't want any fucking rotten ass tomatoes.

Rotten fucking lettuce.

The same fucking food served every day like fucking clockwork, piss warm, with no flavor, and covered with an extra side misery as you think about the meals you could be having at home.

Desert. Sand. Sun. Heat. I don't want it anymore.

Spending 12 or more hours a day stuck in a cubicle, crammed in a fucking dusty, noisy, hot-ass tent staring at a computer screen not doing shit. Not accomplishing anything but making my bosses feel like they are actually important and have a critical mission, when they don't.

Taking on every stupid daunting task, that everyone has passed up by everyone before us, in an attempt by my bosses to get another bullet comment for their fucking evaluations.

Pretending like we are actually important, like we matter, because we don't.

The mental diarrhea that gives birth to the abortions of ideas and thought, and the lack of thinking that goes into all of them.

The hopeless feeling of marking another fucking day off the calendar to realize that the next day will be just as meaningless and empty as the one just finished.

To realize all of those black dashes across that calendar are days that I will never get back. Days, that have to turned to weeks, and months and now over a year that I have LOST and have disappeared, to me, my son, my wife, and my family. For What?!

And I've done it twice.


Anonymous said...

You, sir, are truly a wise person.
I understand. I really do understand. You're completely miserable. Question: has anyone told you this wonderful fucking lie yet "Don't worry, everything will be fine. God will take care of you." Yeah that's fucking bullshit piled on top of bullshit crammed into a can of piss and more shit! Atheist, Christian, Buddah, Allah whoever the fuck doesn't give two rat shits. I've heard that same lie for over 4 months now and it still hasn't gotten better. The only thing that has made any sort of sense to me is a saying I heard from a Marine "Suffer Silently, nobody cares."

Being miserable in a place you truly fucking despise is the worst and I do understand how you feel. I may not be in the same area you are, but i am in the same situation. Nobody gives 2 shits and everything is the most horrible bullshit ever fed to the world. You put it perfectly at the end when you said those are days you lost... for what?!?! That's one of the most truthful statements I have ever read.

Don't know who you are, but for whatever reason it might or might not be worth.. thank you for making this blog or whatever the fuck it is entitled 'I want to go Home'. I, to, want to go home. Back to Warren, where I belong, not here in this fucking pit of despair and agony entitled Martins Ferry. I'd much rather be home cherishing time spent with my family. Not sitting in this tiny box doing the same fucking repetitive bullshit day in and day out to no end or any sort of accolade. Sometimes, I wonder how easy it can be to just walk away from it all. Then i notice the bills piling up and can't just walk away. I look in my wallet and see my daughters picture and realize that even I walk away from this hell, i'll be walking into a new hell. A hell that may or may not be worse then this one. The risk is not worth the reward or lack there of to me.

One can only assume you've already thought of this and thus is why you are still in your dusty hell away from your loved ones.

Anonymous said...

You did it for me. My wife. My farm. My animals.thank you.

Anonymous said...

Yeah 20 years from now you will be wishing you stayed in your army and the fun in the sun dont worry it will pass quickly