Friday, February 06, 2009

What the Fuck is there to Investigate?

HEADLINE: Army says suicides likely jumped last month
The number could surpass January combat deaths in Iraq and Afghanistan

That's the headline from MSNBC. Really? We're going to investigate why people are committing suicide in record numbers? Do we need an investigation? The investigation sounds like a bunch of CYOA beauracratic bullshit to me. Do the senior leaders care? I'm sure they do, I mean afterall they are human.

Let me save you the time and money: We're spending 3/4 of our lives in COMBAT ZONES conducting dangerous operations. Even if you're not directly in the combat zone and you get deployed there is still separation hardships, troubles and problems back home, etc.

Why are suicides spiking now? Because the largest group of people are beginning to come back from their 2nd 15 month deployments, including me. I'm still in the shit for a few more months but my wife and I have both spent 30 of the last 42 months deployed.

The unfortunate thing is that the damage is already done and there is no problem to be solved. These things can't be fixed. The officer divorce rate is around 60 percent. Spousal abuse is at an all time high. More and more soldiers are having to enroll in substance abuse programs. This is your Army of empire people. Those that aren't doing illicit substances or abusing the legal ones are getting prescriptions for mood altering medications to combat depression and PTSD. Welcome to the Army. Is it all of us? No. But it's enough to have us wondering what the hell is going to happen to the Army in the next 3-5 years.

There is nothing you can do to get that soldier's wife to come back because their relationship fell apart while he spent 3/4 of the last 5 years in the combat zone. What are you going to do? You can't give them that time back. You can't give soldiers back the 3 or more years they've missed of their children(s') lives. That time is gone. They are already guilt-stricken for missing that. And what did they miss it for. To go liberate a country that didn't want to be liberated. To free a bunch of people that just want to kill us. To go watch their fellow Soldiers get blown out of their fucking trucks and then burn to death.

Fuck you and your beauracratic CYOA bullshit. There's nothing you can do. The damage is done and as more of us return from our second EXTENDED deployment therewill be more suicides, divorces, spoual abuse, spousal homicide. We don't know how to live in that world anymore. Home is here in theater where we spend 3/4 of our time. Home station is just a place where we go to fucking train for the next deployment. Some of us have a hard time adjusting to that life. We can't be in crowded rooms, noisy places, or around loud bangs because our reaction to those things back there is not normal. When I hit the ground here that's the norm that's what you are supposed to do. My behavior has been modified for the combat zone, and just as I start to adjust, guess what, I'm back on a plane bound for this shithole again.

We now have to deal with the conflict of not wanting to stay here but not wanting to be home. Sounds a bit crazy doesn't it. That's because it is. It's crazy to spend 3/4 of your life over the course of 4years in a combat zone.

My son is nearly 4 years old and my wife and I have spent 18 months of his life with him. How do you solve that problem? How do you give me that time back? Bottom line is, you can't.


hi mik1986 said...

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clif said...

Marcus, i don't really know what to say;

I spent 6 months in desert storm and spent the next 4-5 years trying to unlearn the live or die reactions I used there.

My older daughter became estranged and we have a rocky relationship still.

I do not trust people even to this day.

I have chosen to live alone because it is easier for me.

I can tell you a few things which did help;

Do not beat yourself up for what happened there.

I wasted a couple of years attacking "me" for those who were lost because I didn't do enough to save them.

Also do not expect anybody who hasn't been there to understand. they can not.

Don't apologize for your reactions either, they are real to you and need no explanation. Those who really care will take the time to understand, and those who won't do not really care enough. I know that is harsh but it is also very real.

As for your son, when things are finally over give him all the time you possibly can, it will not make up for the time you lost, but you can grow together, and he is still quite young,

By the time I was able to connect with my daughter she was a teenager and not really interested.

As for you and your wife, at least she can comprehend what you are dealing with, and you can comprehend her also.

Give each other space but be willing to be there, and with your son in the picture if you focus on what is truly important you could over come the lost time and waste of your lives by the dishonest people who started this war.

I hope the best for you and yours, just take it one day at a time, and be willing to give as much patience as you ask for.


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