Thursday, March 12, 2009

I need to go home...

You know what I don't need anymore of:

Shitting in a fucking coffin sized shitter with another guy less than 12 inches away from you.

Pissing in poorly designed Arab pisser that splashes the piss all over you.

Handsoap that smells no better than the latrine I just shit in.

Seeing contractor's making 2-3 times more money for doing less than I do and putting up with 1/3rd of the bullshit.

Rubbery chicken breast served everynight lukewarm for 455 days.

The TCNs with the shit-eating grins that don't understand when I say I don't want any fucking rotten ass tomatoes. I don't want any fucking rotten ass tomatoes.

Rotten fucking lettuce.

The same fucking food served every day like fucking clockwork, piss warm, with no flavor, and covered with an extra side misery as you think about the meals you could be having at home.

Desert. Sand. Sun. Heat. I don't want it anymore.

Spending 12 or more hours a day stuck in a cubicle, crammed in a fucking dusty, noisy, hot-ass tent staring at a computer screen not doing shit. Not accomplishing anything but making my bosses feel like they are actually important and have a critical mission, when they don't.

Taking on every stupid daunting task, that everyone has passed up by everyone before us, in an attempt by my bosses to get another bullet comment for their fucking evaluations.

Pretending like we are actually important, like we matter, because we don't.

The mental diarrhea that gives birth to the abortions of ideas and thought, and the lack of thinking that goes into all of them.

The hopeless feeling of marking another fucking day off the calendar to realize that the next day will be just as meaningless and empty as the one just finished.

To realize all of those black dashes across that calendar are days that I will never get back. Days, that have to turned to weeks, and months and now over a year that I have LOST and have disappeared, to me, my son, my wife, and my family. For What?!

And I've done it twice.