5 years by the numbers Part I

5 Years in the Army by the Numbers

As of June 2009 I will have been on Active Duty as an officer for 5 years here are a few of the stats.



5 years=60 months

______________

Deployed: 30 months (50%)

School: 11 months (18%)

Field: 7 months (12%) (preparing to deploy)

At home in garrison with unit: 12 months (20%) (preparing to deploy)



My career has been schoolhouse, prepare to deploy, deploy, schoolhouse, prepare to deploy, deploy, schoolhouse (July 2009)...



It's beginning to get monotonous.

I need to go home...

You know what I don't need anymore of:

Shitting in a fucking coffin sized shitter with another guy less than 12 inches away from you.

Pissing in poorly designed Arab pisser that splashes the piss all over you.

Handsoap that smells no better than the latrine I just shit in.

Seeing contractor's making 2-3 times more money for doing less than I do and putting up with 1/3rd of the bullshit.

Rubbery chicken breast served everynight lukewarm for 455 days.

The TCNs with the shit-eating grins that don't understand when I say I don't want any fucking rotten ass tomatoes. I don't want any fucking rotten ass tomatoes.

Rotten fucking lettuce.

The same fucking food served every day like fucking clockwork, piss warm, with no flavor, and covered with an extra side misery as you think about the meals you could be having at home.

Desert. Sand. Sun. Heat. I don't want it anymore.

Spending 12 or more hours a day stuck in a cubicle, crammed in a fucking dusty, noisy, hot-ass tent staring at a computer screen not doing shit. Not accomplishing anything but making my bosses feel like they are actually important and have a critical mission, when they don't.

Taking on every stupid daunting task, that everyone has passed up by everyone before us, in an attempt by my bosses to get another bullet comment for their fucking evaluations.

Pretending like we are actually important, like we matter, because we don't.

The mental diarrhea that gives birth to the abortions of ideas and thought, and the lack of thinking that goes into all of them.

The hopeless feeling of marking another fucking day off the calendar to realize that the next day will be just as meaningless and empty as the one just finished.

To realize all of those black dashes across that calendar are days that I will never get back. Days, that have to turned to weeks, and months and now over a year that I have LOST and have disappeared, to me, my son, my wife, and my family. For What?!

And I've done it twice.

What the Fuck is there to Investigate?

HEADLINE: Army says suicides likely jumped last month
The number could surpass January combat deaths in Iraq and Afghanistan

That's the headline from MSNBC. Really? We're going to investigate why people are committing suicide in record numbers? Do we need an investigation? The investigation sounds like a bunch of CYOA beauracratic bullshit to me. Do the senior leaders care? I'm sure they do, I mean afterall they are human.

Let me save you the time and money: We're spending 3/4 of our lives in COMBAT ZONES conducting dangerous operations. Even if you're not directly in the combat zone and you get deployed there is still separation hardships, troubles and problems back home, etc.

Why are suicides spiking now? Because the largest group of people are beginning to come back from their 2nd 15 month deployments, including me. I'm still in the shit for a few more months but my wife and I have both spent 30 of the last 42 months deployed.

The unfortunate thing is that the damage is already done and there is no problem to be solved. These things can't be fixed. The officer divorce rate is around 60 percent. Spousal abuse is at an all time high. More and more soldiers are having to enroll in substance abuse programs. This is your Army of empire people. Those that aren't doing illicit substances or abusing the legal ones are getting prescriptions for mood altering medications to combat depression and PTSD. Welcome to the Army. Is it all of us? No. But it's enough to have us wondering what the hell is going to happen to the Army in the next 3-5 years.

There is nothing you can do to get that soldier's wife to come back because their relationship fell apart while he spent 3/4 of the last 5 years in the combat zone. What are you going to do? You can't give them that time back. You can't give soldiers back the 3 or more years they've missed of their children(s') lives. That time is gone. They are already guilt-stricken for missing that. And what did they miss it for. To go liberate a country that didn't want to be liberated. To free a bunch of people that just want to kill us. To go watch their fellow Soldiers get blown out of their fucking trucks and then burn to death.

Fuck you and your beauracratic CYOA bullshit. There's nothing you can do. The damage is done and as more of us return from our second EXTENDED deployment therewill be more suicides, divorces, spoual abuse, spousal homicide. We don't know how to live in that world anymore. Home is here in theater where we spend 3/4 of our time. Home station is just a place where we go to fucking train for the next deployment. Some of us have a hard time adjusting to that life. We can't be in crowded rooms, noisy places, or around loud bangs because our reaction to those things back there is not normal. When I hit the ground here that's the norm that's what you are supposed to do. My behavior has been modified for the combat zone, and just as I start to adjust, guess what, I'm back on a plane bound for this shithole again.

We now have to deal with the conflict of not wanting to stay here but not wanting to be home. Sounds a bit crazy doesn't it. That's because it is. It's crazy to spend 3/4 of your life over the course of 4years in a combat zone.

My son is nearly 4 years old and my wife and I have spent 18 months of his life with him. How do you solve that problem? How do you give me that time back? Bottom line is, you can't.

Turning a Blind Eye

How long will the US turn a blind eye to the Israeli holocaust of the indigenous people of Gaza?

So far, Israel has destroyed two UN buildings and two hospital, both of which are WAR CRIMES and prosecutable under the Geneva and Hague Conventions. The Jews have blockaded the Gaza area and have prevented all access to services and supplies. The Israelis, as the aggressor, again under international law have an OBLIGATION to ensure the safety of all non-combatants, and all civilian facilities to include mosques, schools, water treatment, and hospitals. When engaged from these structures there is an inherent responsibility to ensure that positive identification (PID) of aggressor is made and equal or limited force is used to only eliminate that immediate threat. In other words destroying a UN building because guys fired rockets from next to it, is an extreme use of force and would get commander's relieved from the US military in Iraq. I guess Israel doesnt hold its leaders and soldiers to the same proffessional standards and conduct.

Of course, why would we expect the Israelis to follow the rules now, when they have US looking over their shoulder? And what an example we set by constantly bombing the hell out of villages all over Afghanistan. So, I guess we, as the US, are out of tolerance of the same rules.

Two more soldiers killed by the Taliban in Afghanistan today.
It's time to finish that war once and for all. Afghanistan is the Korean War of my generation and I have no hope for it to end any differently.

Israel would be good to heed the warning of Edgar Watson Howe, "Abuse a man unjustly, and you will make friends for him."

The Shock Doctrine is in full Effect

It seems with this corporate bailout we are heading towards a sort of national socialism. Hmm, that term sounds quite familiar. The Shock Doctrine as coined by Naomi Klein has passed all 10 steps for the institution of a Fascistic government. Congratulations, President Bush was able to do what his grandfather couldn't with a coup in 1938 with a bunch of his corporate buddies...install a fascist government in the United States.

It was brilliantly played with the Reichstag fire on 9-11-01 and the depressed economy right on its heels, there's no way people would feel comfortable enough to govern themselves. Let us give all of our rights and money to the government so they'll protect us from their friends, the assassins of Arabia and Wall Street.

We are a nation of men not laws

Of course I use the term "men" metaphorically because I am talking about Sarah and Todd Palins' Chenian legal maneuver. Wherein they fell they are above the lawa and can usurp a subpoena because they can be judge of what is important and what isn't when it comes to the people's business. Let's reverse the tables, what holy hell would be raised if Obama or Biden ignored a government issued subpoena, because they didn't agree with the substance of the subpoena, or the politics behind it? I don't thin we would ever hear the end of it. This only goes to show that Palin/McCain=Cheney/Bush. An administration filled with people who assume themselves to be above the laws of the nation. People who look down on government and only enjoy government enough to run for political office, not follow the rules, get government earmarks, and socialize corporate losses.

Kill Switch Engaged

Some call it PTSD I call it the kill switch and once it is engaged it's hard to flip off. It's becoming more apparent as we've had two cases of "fragging" in recent months in Iraq. One such case just took the lives of two NCOs in Iraq a few days ago. VETVOICE Has the Story and comments.

Some call it PTSD I call it the kill switch and once it is engaged it's hard to flip off.
It's becoming more apparent as we've had two cases of "fragging" in recent months in Iraq. One such case just took the lives of two NCOs in Iraq a few days ago.

I don't know if you've ever been in a situation where your life is in someway in danger. Such as being held up outside the grocery store, or even in a car accident, when your heart races, and your adrenaline is pumping. Now, imagine having that feeling day in and day out for 15 months with a 12 month, or less break, then back for 15 months more. It's an act of self-preservation where everything is suspect, and capable of taking your life. Is there a bomb in that trash pile? That kid could be carrying a grenade. That rooftop looks like a good spot for a sniper. When you are transported to a world where danger lurks in every corner, trash pile, and person you have to engage your senses to the point of hypersensitivity. You have to be ready to raise your weapon and kill at a moments notice. Your kill-switch must be engaged. You can operate with this hypersensitivity and lack of sensitivity to killing for a period of time and then come back. These timelines vary depending upon the person and the amount of combat they are engaged in.

In urban warefare this timeline shrinks due to the danger that is everywhere in everything. It's a multiplied hypersesitivity or hyperalertness that grows to a point where it can't be turned off. Then there is the desensitization that develops due to having to shoot or kill on a daily basis. That is why we practice firing with our rifles so much. It's not to make you a better marksman, it's to desensitize you to pulling the trigger. How many times do you have to shoot a person before you become completely desensitized to killing anyone, at all, that poses a threat to you? Anyone, such as your squad leader, who threatens your military career by correcting your performance. What's the number 2,3, 10 times? It's different for every person.
When these two forces of hyperalertness and desensitization merge I call it the "kill-switch." You are in a state of mind where killing is the reaction to anything seen as any sort of threat to you. Where your immediate reaction to anything is to literally raise your weapon and shoot. You can engage the kill-switch for short periods of time then disengage. But there is so much power surging to the switch that if you keep it engaged for too long it will short out and the switch will be left in the permanent on position with no way of turning it off.

This accounts for the increased suicides, and homicides we are seeing in the Army. Last week a soldier shot and killed his commanding officer at Fort Hood then shot himself. This week a soldier killed his squad leader and another soldier in Iraq. Everyday soldiers are committing suicide and homicide, and sometimes in public and disturbing ways.

Keeping the killswitch engaged for 15 months at a time with 10-12 months off between, another 15 months might be the magic number we were looking for. That killswitch engaged without enough time to come back to sense of normalcy compounds the problem. You may see soldiers out in public. They may look normal. But alot of them are thinking about how they are going to position themselves so that their back isn't exposed at the restaurant. What's in the trashcan they are crossing at the mall? Swerving to avoid the empty box on the side of the highway.
Unfortuantely, some of these soldiers may be lost to us forever, and the problem is only getting worse, not better.

UPDATE: The Army will assign an investigating officer to perform a thorough check of the situation leading up to the incident. It will probably be a few weeks before anything official is released.
CNN has the story with details and the families wait on the investigation.

Weighing the choices

So this presidential election boils down to a choice between
1. Another legacy scholashipped, silver spooner, Luddite, with PTSD and an uneven temperment who spent his younger years carousing and boozing and graduated from the bottom of his class at USNA, where he was made a pilot because he wanted it, and his daddy was an Admiral. With an uneducated, unscholarly, Chrisitan Zombie Brigade, Pentecostal, who thinks we are on a Crusade in Iraq, and has no clue about world events for the past 8 years because she has been too busy being a vindictive ex-beauty queen and working on seceeding from the union.

----OR----

2. A man who spent his life walking the color line in a still prejudiced United States. Worked his way to get a Bachelors in International Relations, and a law degree from Harvard graduating the top of his class then going to teach Constitutional Law at a fairly revered midwestern university. Then began his political career by helping people get jobs, training and get food and keep their lights on the southside of Chicago, forsaking the corporate jobs full of money that lay in wait for someone with a Harvard J.D. He then moved to the state Senate and US Senate. With his VP pick being a man who has been on the Foreign Relations committee in the US Senate, the only body that can approve treaties.

I'm a "phony" soldier...

...And I apparently don't know what war is like.

Thank you Megan McCain. You know your father is not the only one who's been to war and back. While your home may have turned into a warzone after he returned from the POW camp due to his PTSD and obvious mental and emotional problems from being tortured for 5 plus years.
I've got news for you there are plenty of us that know firsthand what war is like. Let me give you a little example.
You're riding around in an uparmored HMMWV with all your gear on which adds about 20 degrees to the 110 plus inside your vehicle. You're trying to look at the road ahead of you to insure that you don't run over an IED, but you cant see very well with the sweat, now at a constant downpour stinging your eyes.
You're nearly lulled to sleep by the hum of the engine when the 7 ton vehicle in front of you is suddenly lifted 15 feet off the ground and displaced 25 feet off the road by an explosion that shook your insides and left your ears ringing so you can barely hear. Knowing that it could be a complex attack, but you wouldn't be able to hear if they did shoot at you, you rush to the vehicle, but that IED contained accelerant for catching the vehicle on fire. The passenger managed to fall out of the vehicle on fire and is now dead. The smell of burning human flesh, hair, rubber, and cordite is now in the air and you have to fight back the reflex to puke. As you move toward the vehicle the flames are too intense and you are forced back and you have to hold your people back as they try to rush in to save their buddies, who, hopefully are already dead as the vehicle is completely engulfed in flames and the ammo could start cooking off at any moment. So, you have to watch and smell as 3 people burn to death and are sent to Valhalla on a pyre created by 30 dollars worth of explosives and a couple of pieces of copper wire, which defeated 500,000 dollars of technology and armor plating.

But Megan, I've-never-served-a-day-in-the-armed-forces-but-my-old-ass-Vietnam-Vet-father-did, McCain knows more about war than I. A two 15 month tour veteran of the unneccessary invasion and occupation of the sovereign nation of Iraq where we stay even when the people and government of Iraq don't want us here.

OK another line of the day

Crowd: Yeah.

Remember that kid? That’s what this is reminding me of. "Oh, I love your dress, was that your mother’s?"
You know what I’m talking about.
What do you talk about, when you have nothing to say?!
What do you talk about when you CANNOT EXPLAIN THE LAST EIGHT YEARS OF FAILURE?!

(Standing Ovation)

What do you talk about?! What do you talk about?!
You talk about the other guy.

Crowd: Giv’em Hell, Joe!

Biden: Remember what Harry Truman used to say. The crowd would yell, "giv’em hell, Harry." And he’d say, "I’m not gonna to giv’em hell, I’m gonna tell them the truth, and they’re gonna think it’s HELL."
(Standing Ovation)

Line of the day 5SEP08

For all of the bible toting, braindead, neocon death cult, christian zombie brigade members for Palin:

“Mrs. Palin Needs to be reminded that Jesus Christ was a community organizer, and Pontius Pilate was a governor.” – published in this morning’s Washington Post

FactCheck.org 4SEP08

From an independent fact checking organization:

• From Joseph, I pledge allegiance to the state of Israel, Lieberman said Obama hadn't "reached across party lines" to accomplish "anything significant," though Obama has teamed with GOP Sens. Tom Coburn and Richard Lugar to pass laws enhancing government transparency and curtailing the proliferation of nuclear and conventional weapons.

• Thompson repeated misleading claims about Obama's tax program, saying it would bring "one of the largest tax increases in American history." But as increases go, Obama's package is hardly a history-maker. It would raise taxes for families with incomes above $250,000. Most people would see a cut.

• Lieberman also accused Obama of "voting to cut off funding for our American troops on the battlefield." But Obama's only vote against a war-funding bill came after Bush vetoed a version of the bill Obama had supported – and McCain urged the veto.

Truly Lame

The RNC is truly the driest, lamest crap I've seen in a long while.

"Wait, look...we've got Charlie Daniels...and some other white trash country singer...and Robert Duvall did the voiceover for some piece of shit propaganda that looks like it was put together by the kid 5th from the bottom of his class at the Goebbels Institute of Information."
"And look there's this old white guy, and another old white guy, and we brought in an old Jew too. Look we're diverse."

They could have just played reruns of Matlock, Law and Order, and General Electric Theater on that huge screen and gotten the same effect.

"And Palin is too qualified, she lived next to Russia."

And that abstinence education seems to be working also.

Why family is not off limits

Yesterday, Sen. Obama issued a message stating that family is off limits. While, I agree it should be Conservative politics seem to differ.

At the heart of the conversation is the politicians stance on Roe V. Wade, which has nothing to do with pregnancy, abortion, life, or even choice, but a person's right to privacy. Roe V. Wade was simply the machine that stated women had a right to privacy in matters concerning their own bodies and that right should not be infringed. The Chritian Taliban, which believes Roe should be overturned has been singing Palin's praises since she was announced as VP, in an almost deafening cacauphony that doesnt seem to stop because of her strong stance as being pro-life/anti-choice/anti-privacy.

Should we afford her daughter the same rights that she believes shouldn't exist. After all, she believes that everything a woman does with her body should be public business, concerning the life of the unborn...right. I guess we should look more closely into her endangering the life of her child by hopping on an airplane after he water broke. Making a layover then continuing onto Alaska. Seems a bit dangerous for the life of the child.

She doesn't believe sex education should be taught in school and this will lead to more pregnancies, so maybe it should be made very public as she sets the example on how you deal with unexpected teen pregnancies. Hopefully, she is much better example than the Spears'.

Is family off limits? Most certainly. Unless you believe those matters are best decided by the machine of state, which should have control over when you are allowed to reproduce or not reproduce.

Can you say desparate?

Sara Pahlin
Desparation, hail Mary pick to energize the Christian Zombie Brigade.
Inexperienced...naive.
I mean really, we're going to put a former beauty queen and news anchor with 5 kids (and a future grandchild) as the next in line to be Commander In Chief for a 72 year old cancer survivor.

Well she's a Republican and a Christian so, why the hell not? Right. I had a neighbor that was a Republican, Chrisitian, ProLifer but I wouldnt want her to be next in line for the presidency.

Maverick My Ass

John Kerry says one thing then allegedly changed his position and he was a flip flopper. John McCain does the something similar but worse and he's a Maverick. Ergo Maverick=Flip flopper.

1. Bush Tax Cuts
2. Religious Intolerance
3. Campaign Finance (a bill which has his name: McCain-Feingold)
4. Immigration (a bill which has his name: McCain-Something else)
5. Torture

I'm sure there are more but those are the only ones that occur to me right now.

Military Vote

After the last 8 years it still seems, surprisingly, that the military vote is swinging Republican. You would think after Iraq, Afghanistan, Walter Reed, and the healthcare scandals the military would be looking for a change in leadership.The main argument seems to be that, "Bill Clinton cut the military in the '90s which is why we are short people today." But when I try to tell them the guy with the brilliant idea of drawing down the military was a SECDEF named Rumsfeld under his 1st tenure in the 80's I get nowhere.

It is engrained in the military mythology that the democrats cut the military in the 90's when we didnt need a large military and they are going to do it again. No mention of 2xSECDEF Rumsfelds smaller leaner force. Or his compadre Cheney's involvement either.The other issue seems to be this meme within the military that Republicans are better for National Security and the military. For instance, arguing with one of my cohorts the other day after John McCain announced his VP pick. He didn't even know that McCain had said he would keep us here (in Iraq) for "100, how about 1,000 years." After I told him that and someone else verified it for him his whole mood changed. Like I had just told him there was, indeed, no such thing as Santa Claus.
You used to find a disparity in the miiltary where the officers tend to be more conservative and the enlisted tend to be more liberal. This paradigm no longer pertains. Now there is no telling who is for what. You will find that the more time a person has spent deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, or the more that deployment has affected their life via injuries physical or mental that they tend to lean more Democrat in this election. I think it has more to do with the change agent than is has to do with party affiliation.

I dont think the false memes will ever be destroyed completely but I do feel that Obama and Biden could make significant headway in the military vote if they just keep forcing the message that they believe in a strong national defense. If they reiterate the plan to continue with increasing the size of the military and doubling the size of Special Operations Forces. I think a good show of faith would be considering keeping SECDEF Gates in place unless he wants to resign.

Obama's plan and regard for the military just hasn't penetrated. The historical memes put in place. It is something that will have to be reiterated over and over again. And visiting a large post like Fort Hood and holding a town hall meeting would go a long way. Especially since half of the post, like me, is deployed right now.

It still surprises me how often people are convinced to vote against their own best interests.

The 4th Amendment Has left the building

Amendment IV
"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

You might notice that. It's the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution. You know one of those 27 pesky additions to our governing document to ensure the rights of the people against the powers of the government.

Police executed a search warrant on an RNC protest group and now won't tell them why they did it or what probable cause they had to get the warrant to execute the search. All in the name of national security. And national security is important so we can be free right? Right? Oh wait there's the knock of jackboot thugs at my door. I've got to go.

Funny, didn't hear about any illegally execute searches at the DNC in Denver.

Holy Hell

Joe Biden is going to eat whomever the Republicans choose as VP for lunch and finish McCain off for dinner.
He embodies the common sense progressive policies and the intelligent anger over the past 8 years.

Next Tatoo

From the guy who designed the Obama posters. It's the cover of his new book and it will be on my shoulder blad in September. E Pluribus Venom!!!